End of week 7

The workshop is full of nearly-finished pieces of furniture, but I can't install any of them until I have all the electrics, plumbing and gas up and running. Apart from one of the switched spotlights, the electrics seem to be OK, but though I have the gas tank installed under the floor, I made a nasty mistake in soldering up the piping without a cut-off tap, and I still don't understand how to connect the pipes to the tank - that is a high priority this week.

The lack of space adds to the pressure. I feel it most of the time - the stiff neck, the gut-ache. The whole body feels worn. It's obsessive what I'm doing, and I feel I'm pushing this old body to its limits. I can almost hear those septuagenarian  bones and muscles saying

" Hey- give us a break. We've been around for a long time and need a bit of rest." But the mind says

"Nonsense, you're getting fitter. Against the odds you are building muscle. Keep at the exercises, they are keeping you healthy and holding back the inrushing tide of decrepitude."

Such obsession is a selfish thing. I neglect those I love, miss birthdays, I'm not giving attention to the cares of others, but I am not condemned. What I am doing is comparable to the selfishness of the athlete whose only care is to push the body to its limits, to be the best. We love them for it and we applaud the old person who can still run a marathon or go surfing or cycle up mountains - not that I can do any of those things.

And yet, we all must accept that as each decade passes, each faster than the last, there are things which we can no longer do. We can maintain and improve skills we gained in previous decades, but we can't learn new languages or craft a 6-pack stomach.  I can't cycle for 50 miles - I just don't have the muscle for it. We can't win at anything in competition with younger people. Winning is not a concept that sits well with old age. We have a great contribution to make, but it is a subtle one - that of inspiring, consoling, helping, restoring.

Who knows if this project will inspire anyone. It will be as good as I can make it and that seems to be a worthwhile end.